'I knew I could die and that i could be leaving a baby, two children and my husband' | Rhondda MS Buffy Williams
Eleven years ago, soon after giving birth, a new mum took those tentative steps from her hospital bed towards the shower.
As any new mum knows, moving to the bathroom is really a slow – often painful process. But on that day, as Buffy Williams took those tentative steps towards the bathroom, suddenly she felt seriously unwell coupled with no idea where she was.
Already a mum-of-two, her first two births choose to go based on plan, it had seemed the third had too as baby girl Saffron had arrived safely. Buffy's husband choose to go home to obtain other two children so that they could come meet their new sister.
As a midwife entered the area and asked if she was ok, she admitted she wasn't and was put back onto her bed.
"I remember being there although not being there. I was looking around the room and feeling incredibly frightened. My blood pressure was over the top and I remember the midwife hitting the button on your wall behind me and merely being petrified since i didn't understand what was going on. I began declaring that I was going home and seeking to get from the bed. I didn't even know with this moment I'd had a baby I was so far gone," Buffy said.
"By now there were three doctors and nurses all attempting to convince me to remain but I wanted my husband and also to go back home."
Things deteriorated through that day, the following night and then day. Blood had been taken every hour and her veins collapsed, the only real places left were her fingers and toes. Her condition was so perilous she was kept in the birthing room and not moved. She needed care within the high dependency unit.
"I knew I possibly could die and that i could be leaving a newborn, two children and my hubby. It may sound dramatic however i thought to myself 'I will die' because otherwise all these people wouldn't be running round and seeking in order to save me if I wasn't seriously ill."
Her husband was called and told to return to the hospital immediately as her condition am serious. He later described dealing with the room which was "chaos".
Her arms were black from her shoulders to fingers because of the number of needles used as were her legs from hips to toes.
She was diagnosed with Hellp Syndrome, a pregnancy complication that affects the blood and liver.
She was eventually discharged from hospital but had to have continued daily checks, meaning repeated trips towards the hospital. Her husband was administering jabs at home, but she soon created a rash and was too petrified to inform any one of her healthcare workers in case she wound up in hospital.
"I couldn't bear the idea of another procedure. I couldn't bear the idea of another needle. I was afraid I'd walk down the street and drop dead".
After the birth she took up the offer provided to mums to discuss their birth and also have issues or complications told them. "I needed to know the way i had had two normal births and why this didn't happen then. My life had an enormous turn and I wanted to become aware of my baby.
"I had been told repeatedly by midwives and consultants how lucky I was, lucky to have survived and lucky to possess had a quick thinking midwife. Lucky – lucky would be a word I came to be used to hearing, over the days weeks and months following a birth of my daughter. But, lucky was the last thing I was feeling, frightened, traumatised, confused, alone and anxious they were words more fitting to my mindset."
She says the trauma of the items happened to her continues to be with her today.
"I don't think you ever get over a trauma like that. I really don't. I struggle with hospitals, even now."
She recently visited the birth unit in the Royal Glamorgan hospital and was taken to the area where she gave birth to Saffron. "They didn't know but when I came out, I acquired in to the car and I just cried. I absolutely cried my eyes out since i hadn't been back since. I knew I had to get it done, but I found it so, so desperately. I still experience night terrors now. After that visit, all that weekend I simply awoke crying for that four mornings after. "
Buffy, who is MS for Rhondda, spoke about her experiences within the Senedd this week, hoping to raise awareness and encourage women and their birth partners to talk more openly.
Video Loading
Video Unavailable
Click to play
Tap to play
The video will auto-play soon8Cancel
Play now
She praises the care she'd in the hospital in the "fantastic" midwives, such as the who spotted there is a problem and acted quickly, but she wants to ensure women discuss their experiences.
"I think we have to escape from this stigma to be embarrassed to talk about our feelings or say I'm afraid. We've got to make certain mothers, fathers, whoever can there be for that birth, that they'll say I'm struggling. Any form of PTSD or post-natal depression needs to be spoken about. Mothers should have that confidence to state 'I'm struggling'. I remember doctors saying to me 'you're depressed'. I wasn't depressed, I had been the furthest thing from depressed, I had been petrified.
"There's a noticeable difference between depression along with a fear. I felt like, and I was lucky because my midwives were outstanding, I can't say enough good things about them. But what about the mothers who don't get that degree of care?"
She said she welcomed the brand new mother and baby unit in Swansea Bay, which cares for new mums with serious mental health issues during pregnancy and following the birth of their child but said all health boards such have this type of facility.
"We must do more to combat the stigma of postnatal depression and peripartum PTSD, we must ensure mothers rest assured to open up to our fantastic medical professionals."
Her contribution brought colleagues to tears. Conservative Laura Anne-Jones, who said she'd traumatic birth, said she wanted to ensure partners could be in hospital to offer just as much assistance especially in relation to coronavirus rules.
To get the latest email updates from WalesOnline click here.
